I am a Faith Leader

Overwhelmingly, a faith leader or fellow congregant will be the first person a victim of domestic violence tells about their abuse. This puts an incredible responsibility on your shoulders.

As a faith leader, you can offer unconditional acceptance and spark hope where others cannot. Yet, for a victim of domestic violence, even clergy must learn how to respond appropriately.

Your first responsibility is to believe the victim.

Domestic abuse is already happening in your congregation

• Two-thirds of pastors believe that domestic violence occurs in the lives of their congregants.
• 85% of faith leaders said they have counseled more than 6 victims of domestic abuse.
• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have experienced domestic violence. In a congregation of 60, you could have more than a dozen women and nearly half a dozen men who are victims … and their abusers are likely praying right next to them.

Congregants as Victims

As a person regularly called on to console, comfort and counsel others, your first instinct after talking to a victim may be to bring the two parties together to see if their differences can be resolved. While this is a normal first step for most couples, it does not apply in abusive relationships. Even if you are already counseling the couple, it’s best to meet with them separately to address this situation.

Your first duty is to establish trust.

When the Abuser Attends Your Church

Many abusers know how to appear to be model members of their congregations. They become highly adept at acting loving outside the home while being cruel inside it. Some even couple physical, emotional, financial, verbal, or digital abuse with spiritual abuse, making the situation even more confounding for their victim.

Watch Liv share her story about how her devotion to God was used to keep her in an abusive relationship.

Some telltale signs you as a faith leader are most likely to witness include:

• Discouraging their partners from taking part in activities without them.
• Speaking for their partner or making all the decisions.
• Exhibiting extreme jealousy or possessiveness.
• Treating their partner as inferior with actions and language.

The image on the right (click to expand) can help when it comes to assessing the risk someone is experiencing. When you feel certain the victim trusts you, ask these three questions to assess their safety. If they answer “yes” even once, they’re at risk of escalating violence.