Bonnie noticed a lot of things as her marriage slid into an increasingly abusive relationship, but one she never recognized was the gradual disappearance of her independence. Maybe that’s because it started in little ways, with minor decisions she made being overruled. I guess those are the kind of compromises you make when you get married, she thought.
Bonnie had worked since her teens and was proud of her ability to stretch her paycheck while putting a little money away. It’s easier if one person controls all the couple’s money, he convinced her, and since he made more than she did, that should be his job. He opened all the bills and decided when they would get paid. He handed her a small stack of cash each month to cover her expenses. One month, she asked for a little more and he responded with a tantrum.
She came home after her last girl’s night out to find him fuming. Where did she get off going to a bar when he had to eat dinner alone? And she was really going there to flirt with other guys, wasn’t she? When her friend texted about next month’s gathering, she made up a conflict. The next couple times, she said she wasn’t feeling well. Eventually, the girls stopped asking.
Bonnie thought it was cute the first time he showed up unexpectedly at work. Something seemed to be bothering him, but he said he had just been in the neighborhood. Then he started coming by more often for no apparent reason. When she mentioned having had lunch with two co-workers, one of whom was a man, he snapped at her and suggested the guy was softening her up to have an affair. She laughed it off and said she had no interest, but he was angry for days, and glared at the man during his next surprise visit to work.
She and her older sister had been going to the movies every month since they were kids who walked the three blocks to the neighborhood theater. They both looked forward to it, although it was harder for her sister to find free time these days because of her kids. When they finally found a day, he’d grumble about her spending the money. When she came home, he was sullen and wouldn’t talk to her until the next day. Now they were lucky if they made it to the movies every three months.
In September, he told Bonnie she needed to concentrate more on their home and should quit her job. We need the money, she protested, and he took her plea as an insult. He had a good job. Did she think he couldn’t afford to take care of them? Was he not enough of a man for her?
When she ran to the supermarket to pick up milk and bread, he insisted on coming along. He didn’t say more than a couple words to her on the way there and back, looking at her with anger in his eyes. Soon after, he started to do all the driving. Not long after that, her car keys disappeared from the key rack.
Bonnie sips a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. She can’t sit for long, because if she doesn’t clean the bathroom before he gets home, she’ll pay for it. She’d like to make fajitas for dinner, but she doesn’t have any peppers … or enough cash to buy some … so she’ll have to think of something else and hope he likes it. She hopes it makes him happy this time.
