Following a light exchange with my wife, where I was kidding, our teenage daughter looked at me and said, “Wow, that wasn’t very nice.” Now, like I said, I was just kidding, right? Not so fast. When I let that moment sink in, I found a couple of important takeaways from this seemingly innocent discussion.
First, our kids are ALWAYS watching how we behave toward our significant other, our family, and others with whom we interact. They’re even watching how we behave toward the waiter in a restaurant! It is our responsibility as parents and as good Christians, to demonstrate good behavior.
Proverbs 1:8-9 likens the guidance that parents provide to beautiful jewelry,
“Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. For they are a wreath to adorn your head and a pendant to your neck.”
Modeling this behavior is a gift that we can give our children, helping them to grow into the kind of respectful, responsible adults that we want to see in our family and our society.
Second, and much closer to home, how we relate to our spouse or our significant other is the most impactful signal to our children about what kind of behavior they should expect and accept in a relationship. My wife and I often comment that we want the kids to see us laughing together, spending time together, and yes, despite the kid’s objections, stealing a kiss here and there. Why? Because that’s exactly what we want for our kids – a relationship where they’re loved, respected, honored, and lifted up by their spouse.
However, we’re all human and fall short of those expectations. While this exchange was innocent enough, we should all be careful as this is where the tolerance of unhealthy relationship behaviors begins. The best thing to do when you catch yourself behaving counter to the example that you want to set is to acknowledge it and own the responsibility for behaving better.
When my daughter called me out, I could have and should have said, “You’re right. I love your mom very much and that wasn’t the nicest thing to say.” Even that simple apology sets the right example.
Peter Friddle
Father and Husband
A Man IN Action
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