What happens when a man who is the victim of domestic violence decides to tell someone?
It’s an act of courage, because he’s likely to hear either “You’re lying” or “Be a man!”
Yes, men are victims of domestic abuse. According to the Center for Disease Control’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, (1) one in seven men reported experiencing severe physical violence by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Severe physical violence includes being hit with a fist or something hard, kicked, hurt by pulling hair, slammed against something, choked, suffocated, beaten, burned on purpose or threatened with a knife or gun.
Just as women have long fought to be believed when they report abuse, men face a similar fight – and similar biases and prejudices.
In an 11-year study reported in the journal BMJ Open, researchers found that men avoid seeking assistance because they fear people won’t believe them and/or disrespect them of not being masculine.
Are women capable of battering a man bigger and stronger than themselves? According to journalist and author Cathy Young (writing for the Los Angeles Times), more than 200 studies have confirmed that in violent relationships “women are as likely as men to be the aggressors.” She goes on to reference a study by the National Institute of Justice and one by the CDC – both of which found that “about 40% of those reporting serious assaults by current or former partners in the past year were men, and most of their attackers were women.” (2)
Systemic biases against men certainly exist. Research reported in the journal Partner Abuse (3) has revealed that:
- When police are called for a domestic dispute, the arrest of both parties is more likely in same-sex couples than in heterosexual couples.
- Protective orders are far more likely to be granted to women than to men.
- Mock juries are more likely to assign blame to male perpetrators in contrast to female perpetrators, even when presented with identical scenarios.
Even more biases come into play if the victim is in the LGBTQ community.
What can be done?
The first step is to take the issue seriously.
We couldn’t be more serious.
“Domestic violence is not just a women’s issue,” said our board chair, Alyson Lurker. “Here in Hendricks County, Indiana, where we’re located, police went on 68 domestic disturbance runs in 2018 where men were the victims. It’s happening all around us.”
Sheltering Wings has already been providing emergency housing assistance to men, but they’ve been at a separate location … making it more difficult for them to access our services and for us to keep them and their children safe.
This month, construction has begun on renovations to our facility’s second story so we can help all survivors under one roof.
Men who have experienced domestic abuse, along with their children, will find the same hope and healing women and their children now benefit from: education, training, therapy, job assistance and supportive relationships.
To ensure everyone’s safety, male residents will have no access to female residential wings and only supervised access to common areas, which are monitored by security cameras and staff. In addition, Sheltering Wings runs the identity of every person who crosses the shelter’s threshold through abuser alert and sex offender registries to ensure that no abuser is ever able to infiltrate. As always, the safety and security of all remains at the top of our minds.
Our mission hasn’t changed. We’re just becoming more inclusive … and bringing the kind of hope, healing and understanding to men that only a domestic abuse shelter can bring.
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(1) Centers on Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey Infographic: 2015 Data Brief, https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/NISVS-infographic-2016.pdf, accessed 6 Nov 2019.
(2) Young, Cathy. Op Ed: When wives beat their husbands, no one wants to believe it. Los Angeles Times, 22 Feb. 2018, https://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-young-sorenson-male-domestic-abuse-20180222-story.html, accessed 14 Oct 2019.
(3) Hamel, John, Ph.D., LCSW, Ed. Domestic violence facts and statistics at a glance. Partner Abuse, https://domesticviolenceresearch.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-statistics-at-a-glance/, accessed 14 Oct 2019.
