Qualities of a Healthy Relationship

If someone says they care about you, here are the behaviors you should be seeing:

Boundaries
Consent
  • Honesty: Says what they mean, does what they say they will
  • Trust: Believes what you say
  • Loyalty:  Has your back; doesn’t flirt with others or downplay your relationship
  • Ability to compromise: Talks through differences of opinion, respects your views
  • Acceptance: Likes you for who you are and doesn’t try to change you
  • Desire to communicate:  Shares thoughts and actively listens
  • Respect: Accepts you and your boundaries, friends, interests
  • Fun: Is enjoyable to spend time with
  • Support: Shows up for your events, celebrates your victories and successes, encourages you to spend time with friends and family
  • Safety: Behaves consistently so you never feel unsafe (physically or emotionally)

Boundaries

In healthy relationships, partners treat each other with care. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to tell when a partner is being aggressive or just salty, especially if they are subtle or masked as jokes. The thing is, you set your own boundaries!

So, what are boundaries? 

Boundaries are lines no one gets to cross. They make clear what you are and aren’t OK with. And you don’t have to justify them. To anybody.  

Here are a few examples, though yours will be unique to you:

  • I like and trust my partner, but I don’t share passwords with anybody, ever.
  • I don’t want to have to check in all the time or be expected to answer texts immediately.
  • I like to show affection, just not … (in front of family, in school, out in public, whatever).
  • I’ll still spend time with others I love, like my friends and family, not just my partner.
  • I have to have time for my extracurriculars (sports, hobbies, alone time).
  • I’m not ready to have sex (as I define it), and I don’t need to justify myself. 
  • If I ask for space or time to think about something, I expect to get it without an argument. We can work things out calmly!

We hear the word a lot for a very good reason: Consent is necessary to every relationship that involves physical contact. Intercourse isn’t the only sexual activity consent applies to. 

And here’s a big, huge, make-sure-you-get-this point from LoveIsRespect.org:

Consent is 100% essential. Consent isn’t just about saying no to something. Consent is about enthusiastically saying yes!

Think about it:

If you can’t talk with your partner about sex or don’t trust them enough to do so… then the foundation of a mutually rewarding sexual relationship just isn’t there yet. 

What does consent look like in real life?

Consent means a clear yes, every step of the way, beginning with the very first touch of any kind. A few examples:

  • If you put your hand on her shoulder and she leans away, she’s not saying yes to your contact.
  • If he hunches his shoulders and turns his head away when you lean in for a kiss, you don’t have his consent.
  • If your partner has been fine with all kinds of sexual activity but suddenly wants to stop, you have to stop! You don’t have their consent to continue, no matter what’s gone before.
  • If they seem unsure, stay silent, don’t respond or say “maybe,” they aren’t saying yes—and you haven’t gotten their consent. 

Bottom line: If they haven’t said yes, you must act as if they said no because you don’t have their consent to continue.

Still have questions about consent? Check out this video.