“I’ve learned that it’s right to stick up for my kids and myself. We don’t just have to exist. We can love life while we are living it.”
“I feel so excited to finally be going to get my driver’s license. It means to me my independence.”
“I’ve learned I was abused more than I even knew – financially, for example.”
We’ve been talking a lot about life skills – those abilities that take us through everyday living productively – and how more than 90% of Sheltering Wings residents have never had the chance to develop them. Like the individuals quoted above, many, many survivors don’t realize how much abusers have been limiting their lives until they get to Sheltering Wings.
Can you imagine how a lack of life skills might play out in daily life? Read on …
Patricia
When Patricia needed a few days off work to take care of a sick child, she didn’t know what to say to her boss. Her abusive partner would rant and rave, or worse, if she asked for time for herself, so she naturally expected her boss to have the same reaction. Besides, she feared he wouldn’t like her anymore if she made such a selfish request. Patricia had never had the chance to learn how one goes about persuading another person to agree to a request, or even what kind of request is considered normal (a life skill).
Janie
When Janie decided to go back to school after coming to Sheltering Wings, she found herself struggling to retain what her instructors said in class. She’d never learned how to listen consciously or actively: paying attention, trying to understand the message as a whole, asking questions, giving feedback (a life skill). Much of her life had been spent just keeping her head down and being as unobtrusive as possible.
Ben
Ben was being taken advantage of by a lifelong friend. This “friend” always needed to borrow tools he never returned, money he never paid back … he even borrowed Ben’s car once in a while. But when Ben was married to a woman who constantly berated him, he could always call this guy and talk it out. At Sheltering Wings, Ben started to realize that his “friend” wasn’t actually listening to or comforting him. Ben had forgotten how to express his needs directly without feeling confrontational (a life skill).
The damage done by an abuser to his or her victim’s sense of self has long-lasting repercussions that reverberate through just about every aspect of life. That’s why we focus so much time, energy, talent and resources toward helping the residents at Sheltering Wings develop the crucial life skills they need to create their own future.
If you’d like to learn more about how you might be able to contribute to safer and more meaningful futures for residents like Patricia, Janie or Ben, contact Linda Wells at (317) 386-5040.
