What happens when a victim of domestic abuse messages Sheltering Wings?

Here’s a real-life excerpt of a lengthy exchange that took place over Facebook Messenger. All names and identifying information have been changed and minor edits have been made for clarity and length.

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THE SENDER, JESSICA: Hello, I was told I could message you guys through here [Messenger] so my husband can’t hear me.

SHELTERING WINGS: Absolutely. What’s going on?

JESSICA: My husband is abusive, mentally and physically. He was throwing pans this morning and talking about how he didn’t care if I died. We have two babies.

SW: I’m sorry to hear that. Would you say the violence has increased in the past year?

JESSICA: Yes

SW: Does he work?

[Digitally sends safety plan, which includes such statements as, “Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas. Don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well. If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.”]

Are you ready to leave the home? If so, do you want to come into shelter?

JESSICA: He does have a job, but he hasn’t been going to work. And yes, I am ready to leave and I would love to come to a shelter. Anywhere is better than here.

SW: Okay. Where are you? What is your date of birth? And would you say he’s an alcoholic or problem drinker?

JESSICA: [Contact information] and he’s not an alcoholic, but he’s a drug addict.

I don’t have any transportation. I just want somewhere safe and warm for myself and my children to go. He keeps saying he isn’t going to let me take them if I ever try to leave. He isn’t even their biological father.

Let me know if you need any other information from me. I also have pictures of the bruises he’s left, but he normally goes to choking me or hitting me in my head. There’s a lot of verbal abuse. I also have a picture of the pan he was hitting things with before throwing it at me.

SW: Are you receiving any type of other services in [city]? [Gives examples]

JESSICA: I’m on WIC and food stamps. The pediatrician is [physician’s name].

SW: Okay. I just want you to know we are in Danville, so you will have to apply for those things in this county. Also, there is no public transportation in our county. We can try to coordinate with police to bring you in, or I can give you the names of places that serve [your city].

JESSICA: If we could try to coordinate with the police to get us there first, please, and reapplying there wouldn’t be an issue, neither would public transportation. I’m willing to do whatever I need to do to get us away.

SW: Have you or your husband ever served in the military? Do you have a safe and operational email account?

JESSICA: No, we have not. And yes, it is [email].

SW: I can also offer you [another shelter option], which has public transportation, and they will want to speak to you directly. Or I can start working with the police to get you here [to Sheltering Wings]. Either way, you will need to pack belongings for you and the children.

JESSICA: I think he is about to leave [the house]. If you could start working with the police to get us there, I can start packing now. I do have car seats for the kids.

SW: Okay, will do.

JESSICA: Thank you so much. Please let me know when I should be ready. The kids and I are in our room. I’m packing. Do I need to bring pack-n-plays?

SW: No, we have some. We are waiting to hear back from [police department]. An advocate will email you with the time [department] is due to arrive. Please be safe and call 911 if you or your children are in immediate danger.

JESSICA: Okay, thank you so much. I will watch my email. Our bags are packed with everything I can fit.

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Later that night, Jessica and her children arrived safely at Sheltering Wings. This is what your support makes possible every day.