When you see Robert on the playground with his kids, you see a young dad who is having fun and is clearly loving and protective. What you don’t see is the young boy who came of age without his father.
Dad moved out when Robert was two, and father and son only saw each other a couple times in the years that followed. Stressed and lonely, his mother sought love from a series of men, several of them abusive. Robert hid under his covers and tried not to hear the sounds coming from the other corners of their apartment.
When Robert was in seventh grade, two things changed his life forever. First was the night he woke up to hear his mother crying and her current boyfriend yelling. He looked down the hall and saw the man shove his mother into her dresser. Something inside him took over as he returned to his room, grabbed his baseball bat, stormed down the hall, and made a powerful swing right into the man’s back. Startled, the abuser spun around. He saw the rage in the young boy’s eyes and raced out of the house, never to return.
Second was when Mr. Marquardt, his math teacher, asked him to stay after school. The school’s assistant wrestling coach, Marquardt saw a familiar intensity in the quiet boy, and it proved to be a good call. Robert found something he was good at, an outlet for his emotions, and most important, an adult male who looked out for him and served as a positive role model. Robert’s grades started to improve and his anger began to dissipate. By his junior year of high school, he was a captain on the high school team, volunteer coach for the middle school, and a regular guest at the Marquardt home. He also became a source of encouragement for his mother.
Robert was one of the silent victims of domestic violence … a child who witnessed abuse on a regular basis. His anger could have taken him in another direction, and he could have easily grown up to believe abuse was a normal part of relationships. Fortunately, a caring adult intervened, helped him channel his intensity in a positive way, and modeled healthy relationships for him. Robert grew into a confident, secure adult, a supportive husband, and a loving father.
Experts in adolescent psychology have identified what are known as the 40 Developmental Assets® … the building blocks that contribute to allowing adolescents to grow into healthy, caring, and responsible adults. Among those assets are adult role models, support from adults outside the family, and a caring environment in the school, and that combination contributed to Robert’s development and success.
Men have unique roles to play in the lives of their families and communities. Having positive male role models is important to both young boys and young girls, because it helps them see how adults should behave and treat one another. If you’re a man who recognizes the value of that role (or if you know someone who would be a good role model), we invite you to learn more about Men IN Action, a group of men who want to play active roles in helping our communities address and overcome domestic violence by building each other up, holding each other accountable, challenging the status quo, and serving as positive role models. Just by being who you are, you can help us give young men like Robert the opportunity to become the inspiring men our next generation needs.
