There are many reasons for which we could protest that life isn’t fair, but one of the top contenders has to be the fact we choose just one day out of 365 to thank mothers for everything they do for us. Being a mother is one of the most important roles anyone can play, and it’s also one of the most inherently difficult. It’s a learn-as-you-go responsibility, so moms can’t draw upon previous experience or a textbook.
When mothers bring their children to Sheltering Wings, they usually bring a variety of needs and goals with them. One we hear almost every time is “I want to be a better mom to my kids.” Regardless of the circumstances, the history, or the nature of the abuse they’ve suffered, one of their first priorities is ensuring they are doing the right things for their children.
In fact, many victims of domestic violence delay seeking help because they see their first duty as protecting their kids. Some even endure the abuse out of a belief that it will keep their abuser from shifting the anger and violence toward the little ones.
Our immediate goal is providing safety for victims and their children, but our longer-term focus is equipping them with the skills and resources they need to live safe, stable, and independent lives. So one of our main priorities is helping them learn how to become more effective at parenting.
Many victims were raised in homes where abuse was present, so they often lack references for what constitutes a healthy relationship … both in terms of relationships with romantic partners and between parent and child. Through parenting classes, support groups, and one-on-one counseling, we help them identify and recognize the components of strong relationships. We work together to develop realistic frameworks for their responsibilities as parents and their expectations of themselves. We explain the difference between discipline and punishment, so they can create safe and effective boundaries for their kids and correct behavior in positive ways.
Economic independence is also important for mothers. Some haven’t had the opportunity to develop workplace skills or further their education, so we work with each to develop a plan for the next steps, so they can pursue careers that will allow them to support their children.
At the same time, our staff works with the children. We help them understand what they’re feeling and teach them more constructive ways to deal with anger and frustration. We help them see what’s acceptable in relationships and what isn’t. Frequently, the kids become their mothers’ biggest cheerleaders, encouraging each new step and basking in the pride of her accomplishments — and that simply reinforces the moms’ desire to do even more.
When we hear from mothers who have moved on to their own places and have achieved their independence, they invariably express appreciation for the support and resources we provided. And almost every one of them makes a point to thank us for helping them become better mothers to their children.
